Killing animals and fixing fences

I am leaving for the 9 Marks Weekender in about 20 minutes and I am excited to go . . . well mainly for a toasted marshmallow milkshake from Good Stuff Eatery.

Anyway just an insight into our farm life, this is a typical morning:

Last night about 1:30 we wake up because a goat is screaming, we waited and it stopped.  Must have got stuck somewhere and then got free, so we went back to sleep. We get up about 5:30 read and pray.  Connie is out to the barn about 7:00.  I get a text at 7:08, one of the goats, Master Shifu, was half in the pen and half out, he was stuck kind of hanging with his legs in the air, so Connie got him back in.  I told her I would fix the fence.  A little later, I see an opossum walking around by the chicken coop, then he went under the coop.  No reason to be seeing a nocturnal animal in the day time (rabies possibly) and I did not want him eating the eggs, maybe that is where the eggs are going?  I got the .22 headed out there and of course he is under the coop, so I slid the barrel of the gun under the coop about an inch from his head and killed him.  But he is under the coop. UGH!  Oh well, off to the fix the fence . .  which I did and now I am leaving . . . 

This is a typical morning on the farm, you never know what is going to happen.

Calvin and Goats

I named my goat Calvin . . .  he had no choice.

I Don't Care What The Bible Says!

That's right!  I DO NOT care what the bible says, and neither should you.

Why, why would I say something so wrong and crazy?

Well here is an example:

The bible says that if your eye causes you to sin gouge it out!  YEP that is what it says, BUT what does it mean?

We really do not read the bible to find out what it says, we read it to find out what it means, we are after meaning, so what the bible SAYS and what it MEANS are different.

Along the same lines think about this:  if you are struggling with a decision, say about a job, the bible is not the place to go to find out what to do!  The bible has nothing to say to you about whether you should take the job or not, NOTHING!  Sure you can read stuff about how important it is to work and not be lazy and providing for your family (1 Timothy 5:8) and other such truths.  But if you expect to flip open the bible and find the answers to your questions, you have missed the point of the bible!

The bible is about GOD, not us, not our job, not our family, not our church . .  . it is the revelation of who God is, it is His breath . . .  all scripture is God breathed 2 Timothy 3:16 

When we study the bible to find out WHO God is, and WHAT He is about all the answers to our questions will be easier to find.  Don't get me wrong, the bible is pragmatic at times, but I think too often we look at the bible as a kind of "magic answer book" instead of an autobiography of God.

Find the meaning!

What does grace require?

Since last week I have been thinking about this statement:
Grace requires  _______

You fill in the blank with anything you want and it will never be true or make sense.  If grace REQUIRED anything it would cease to be grace.  As Piper says in response to "o to grace how great a debtor" from the hymn Come Thou Fount, grace does not create debt it erases it, to which I heartily agree.  

Also, Jesus Paid it All, All to Him I owe

REALLY? Think about it, if Jesus did pay it all for you, why are you trying to pay Him back?  Think about this: YES He paid it all, all of our debt was paid IN FULL by His death, burial and resurrection.  The price He paid was, and is, greater than what we could ever pay back and trying to pay Him back is an insult to Him.  

In fact we owe Him nothing, nothing at all and He doesn't want it, need it or command it.  When  a friend pays your $10,000.00 credit card bill because he wants to out of love for you and you try to pay him back by helping him all the time, cleaning his gutters, fixing his cars, buying him things, giving him gifts and other things, that will eventually strip him of the joy of paying your debt!  Since we owe Jesus nothing, what are we to do?

WORSHIP HIM and tell people about Him, now THAT is what brings Him glory and joy!  Pointing people to a savior that pays your eternal sin debt is what His salvation should cause us to do.

In a sense we do "owe" Him all, but not that kind of "owe", because we cannot repay Him, and when He paid our debt it was not a loan!

How it changed me.

To get the full picture read this post first.

Last year I attended the pastor's conference at First Baptist Church, in Jacksonville Florida and I was blessed.  First of all I was able to spend time with my pastor and two brothers from our church as well as the former pastor of our small country church in rural West Virginia.  In short we all had fun as we talked, hung out, attended workshops and met up with other pastor's from all over the country.  The experience was worth the travel time,the money, the airport security patting me down because I look middle eastern and so on.  I am thankful to all those that enabled me, and us, to go.  I personally benefited greatly from the conference and I am thankful for the experience.

A year later I have come to grips with a few things in my own walk, with the call on my life (I think, maybe) and the state of the American (dream) Church.  Before the conference I had NEVER heard of FBC Jax, Jerry Vines, Johnny Hunt, Junior Hill, Mac Brunson or anything else associated with this Southern Baptist bastion.  I had no idea this was a mega-church.  None. But before agreeing to go to the conference I went to the conference website and looked at EVERY single presenter to get an idea for what type of theology and doctrine I would be subjected to and I found that there were only a handful of men that I agreed with.  However, our differences certainly did not mean they did not have much to offer.  These men were older, wiser, more educated and more experienced than me, so I knew they had MUCH to offer and they did.

Back to the conference . . .  we walk in, wait in line, get our passes and other goodies, bag of books, conference schedule, a map (A WHAT?) advertisements (huh?) and the like. We walked through some doors and found our way to the "sanctuary" and my heart just sank, I was sick, just in AWE at the massive space before me.  It was huge, HUGE, I have never seen a "sanctuary" like this and that moment, that very moment I shut down, a bad attitude set in, cynicism welled up and I began to battle against those feelings because they can easily lead to self-righteousness and arrogance. I was impressed, and in amazement at the "sanctuary" that was before me.

But I battled, kept an open mind and generally had a great time.

I will not go in to detail about the sessions I went to, the main sessions or the music.  The thrust of this post centers around Proverbs 23:4 and I did not see a spirit of "being discerning enough to desist" and I am also reminded of Deuteronomy 15:11 which says:

 For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’ 

So what's my problem?  To start with the marble stairs: I cannot stop thinking about the marble stairs, accentuated with beautiful hardwood railings, complete with stainless steel hardware.  Seriously, why marble? I am not sure how much they cost and I am sure there is a good reason right?  Easy to clean, lasts a lifetime, looks good, strong and inviting.  Well, why not just put up some preformed steel/concrete steps instead?  They last a lifetime and I bet they are cheaper, not only that they are not dangerous when wet! And those hardwood railings and gorgeous stainless hardware made quit an impression.  See for yourself:

Do you think these stairs are excessive?  Would a poor family, with shabby clothes walk in to this place and feel comfortable?  Does this feel like a church?  It might feel like a church to those who go there, but to me these steps are a bit more than simple, functional and economical.  I wander if the concrete/steel steps would have saved enough money to buy gift cards for grocery stores to give out to needy families. Or what about this:

I am not even sure what this is for or what it is supposed to be, but it is all marble with in-laid stained, hardwood accents.  Heck do you even need this odd, Stonehenge type, circular "thing" in a church that is charged with  "taking care of widows and orphans" as James admonishes us.

I will let the images speak for themselves and refrain from hurtful, loveless speech as some have used in their evaluation of FBC Jax.  I wonder how many months of rent they could have paid just by limiting the space in the above photo.  Rent for a building in downtown Jax to help feed, clothe and minister to the homeless, and there are many homeless in Jacksonville, I saw them not a block from the church.  I wander if those homeless folks look at FBC Jax as place of refuge or a place of privilege.  I have no idea, just think about it.

I am not suggesting that FBC Jax does not take care of widows and orphans, because they might.  What I am saying is when your heart is open to the poor you forego the brand-new mini van for a used van you can pay cash for to free up more monthly money for ministry.  When your heart is open to the will of God I think you will look for ways to give (money and time) instead of holding it for yourself.

OK, so you think I am just ranting and rambling and that there is nothing wrong with making a "house of God" look nice and respectable.  In response I would say that no church building is the house of God and I don't think we should ever say stuff like: blah, blah, blah Father  . . . . in your house, or this is your house.  Although yes He owns it, He does NOT live their, so it is not any holier than my barn!

Sorry, mild ADD moment, here is what I would say:

Yet the Most High does not dwell in houses made by hands, as the prophet says,

Heaven is my throne,
and the earth is my footstool.
What kind of house will you build for me, says the Lord,
or what is the place of my rest?
Did not my hand make all these things?

Acts 7:48-50

Well maybe I am being too harsh and they do have have a huge budget, $14,000,000 a year so really they could have still did great ministry, and they did it all by not going into debt.  WOW, good for them, but how did they do this without going into debt?

I can tell you it wasn't based on Exodus 35:4-36:7 especially Exodus 36:6-7.  How do I know that?  The senior pastor admonished us visitors like this:

"Y'all don't be eating and drinking in this auditorium, I had to twist arms and beg to get this thing paid for."

At that everyone, except me, laughed.  WOW, how does that compare to to the spontaneous, voluntary gifts that Israel gave for the tabernacle?  It made me sick because the Word says the opposite, 2 Corinthians 9:7

I understand that we want a nice building, one that reflects the glory of God and is inviting to outsiders, but as Christians we are consistently called to lead a quite simple life that is free from ostentation.  We know what Mark 10:25 says about rich people and heaven, so I wander how that verse relates to "rich churches" if at all. Before y'all get worked about how awesome the temple was, you have to remember the temple was where the priests met God, behind the holy of hollies is where His Shikinah Glory dwelled, so you bet the temple was incredibly ornate because it was where God's glory dwelled.  And now that the temple is destroyed and the Holy Spirit has been sent, where does God live?  In us, the people of God, in our hearts, (1 Corinthians 6:19)  there is NO LONGER priests to minister for us, 1 Peter 2:9 tells us that we are the priests.  No more Levites, no more sacrifices, no more blood . . . .   Think about it, we ought to take care of our bodies because that reflects the Lord, MORE than the building we meet in.

I will end this post, part one of many, with this question:  When you walk in to a place like FBC Jax and see that ornate, elaborate building filled with thousands of nicely dressed overweight people are you seeing a reversal of what should be happening?  I am not putting down overweight people, or nicely dressed folks but what I am saying is: why do we treat the place we meet, where God DOES NOT DWELL, better than the place where HE DOES DWELL?

Adjusting is tough

A short update here . . .

Busy, way too busy!!  We are such slackers but thankfully our son Ian is cool about it!  We have been so busy that we have not even called to let him and his wife know that we had a foster baby.  My mom didn't know and she was like, 'why didn't you tell me' and I was like "do I know you?" yeah that busy.  It has been a bit crazy adjusting to the baby and honestly I don't like the bottle feeding at all and that makes is more tough, but I'll survive.  Our daughter made some supa-cute stuff for our little guest.  To make things busier we had appointments, I had meetings at work and outside of work .  .  . and I had to got the ER because we thought I had broken my radius.  Thankfully it was just a crushing injury, so not too bad.  

This week my tractor cracked for real, you don't have to know anything about tractors to know that what happened is not good! And that morning our dishwasher kind of had an electrical problem, started smoking and died.  

We are blessed and very thankful for the gifts He has given us.  Terry is eating and gaining weight and starting to smile and coo.  I met his parents on Monday, but more on that later.

He's Here

I went to Children's yesterday to pick up Terry for his first big trip and he did fine.  While at the hospital I received all the discharge instructions, care, feeding and follow up dates.  I was nervous, maybe anxious, not sure what word is best; I think unsettled is the most correct word.  I shared this with the hospital social worker and she was encouraging and told me that this would be tough and that we would not know if this "was a good fit".  The phrase "good fit" is one we here often from social workers and it is quite strange because this is a baby, not a jacket of retirement plan.  However, they are trained and I think they understand that some placements simply are not good for all those involved.  The problem is who makes that call that it is not a good fit, me, Connie, the social workers, my children?  I think the answer is yes.  We will all most likely work to determine what is best for all of us.  It may be that we cannot handle caring for a bay right now, it may be that we can, or the lack of sleep may prove too much for our busy homeschooling, farming house.  We really don't know, but deep down I feel like if this doesn't work then we are somehow failures. 

I feel an ENORMOUS weight, like all eyes (at least my family's eyes) are keenly watching me. Maybe to see if I can  make a decision when, and if, the time comes.  Maybe they are watching to see if my faith is real, I don't know but I am certain that "this" is weighty.  I wish I could elaborate more on this point, but time does not allow it right now.  

Please continue to pray for Connie and the sleep schedule, she needs sleep because of her brain injury.  I am concerned about her because she will push and push until she can push no more.  I hope that I am able to be attentive to her needs, while being objective in my observation of how she is functioning.  I love my wife and it is my privilege, and joy, to take care of her; no matter what that entails.

 

Thursday

Looks like if Terry keeps doing well he will be coming home with us on Thursday.  Now, before y'all get busy screaming and jumpin' for joy, remember this child is being taken from his mother, and that is heart breaking.  It is a strange, awkward set of emotions that we have.  We really don't want any congratulations, or we're so excited for you or anything like that.  I'm not sure what to feel, as I have never done this before and right now I'm just, well, conflicted.  Maybe it is like being promoted at work while your friend gets fired, not sure.

As for Connie she is solid,as always, and has a decent handle on the situation.  She, like me, has committed to a specified amount of time to hold on to Terry, then we will evaluate how this placement has affected her, me, our marriage, our kids (individually), and our family unit as whole.  Please keep in mind that this is a temporary placement and for all we know they might reunite Terry with his family, we don't know.  He is not up for adoption, so we have no choice to make as far as that goes.

I am not sure what will happen in the near future, and frankly, I hope someone else makes the tough decisions for me, but because I failed to lead and be honest with my wife about the foster/adoption stuff over a year ago, I think God is going to present me with a choice that I have to make.  I really hope that God puts me in the situation I envision in my head, so that I can actually make a hard choice and be a real man to my wife and family.  I need wisdom.

Please keep praying for Terry's mom and our family.