Sunday, August 7, 2011

3 Sides To Every Story . . . Maybe More!

We still have much to learn about the social services system.  Most people have an opinion of the system, and many times that opinion is not good.  Although the system is not perfect, it does seek the best interest of the child.  To believe otherwise is to believe that tax payer supported social services are in place to harm children, and that is far from the truth.  The classes we took informed us of every side of the process.  People think that every story is cut and dry.  What we hear on the news, or from a friend, is so tainted we automatically assume the system is horrible.  I would say that out of all the people involved, that is: the social worker, the birth family, the foster family AND the judge, that the judge is the most disconnected.  If the state moves to terminate parental right's but the judge says "no" then guess what?  That's right the crack addicted, prostituting mother gets to maintain her parental right's.  Now before you cry foul and go off on some tirade about how that mom has no right to have children, and how sickening it is that the courts did not terminate her rights, ask this question: "Who has the right to tell a parent they no longer have a child?"  Furthermore what you are assuming is that the parent (s) in question do not love their children.  In our self righteous, hard-hearted, Pharisaical attitude we think only good clean folks, like us, really love their children.  True some parents do not love their children, but I have seen  "normal" folks parent out of a sense of duty, and not out of a sense of love for their children.  How many parents will you see today that are obviously annoyed by their children, that say things like "I can't wait for school to start" or "stop that you're embarrassing me" or "I can't wait until your 18" and the list goes on.  Unfortunately many people do the things they do because "it's just what people do" . . . grow up, get married, have 2 children, treat them like they hinder your life, teach them "how to act" in public, ship them off to college and then wonder why they never call, until they need something.  Here's a thought:  maybe your child is only calling you when they need something because you raised them believing your "job" was to simply "give them . . ." instead of to develop a loving relationship with them.

Here's my point, all kinds of parents neglect their children, not just the one's who get reported.  Parents, love your children, spend time with them, talk with them, play a game with them, they will be gone on their own sooner than you realize.

 If both parents work, and do not have to, then the mom should quit and stay home.  I have heard fathers say that they really don't need "her" salary, but she just loves to work!!  Do you really think your children do not know that mom doesn't have to work?  No doubt that at some point your children have heard that conversation and no doubt you have too, maybe you have had that conversation.  Where we spend our time is where we place our value.  I understand that sometimes both parents must work, but I would say that is rare.

The connection:
drug addicted mom enjoys drugs more than her children so she seeks out the drugs and neglects the children.

work addicted mom enjoys work more than her children so she seeks out work and neglects the children.

But we put them in daycare, a good daycare, they even have a web cam so I can watch my child from work . . . justify all you want, but I have never heard a parent say, "I spent way too much time with my kids."
What do you value?  Do you both have to work?  Could you downsize so you can work less?  Do you want the daycare raising your child?

I realize that the drug addicted mom is not the same as a mom who works, but the commonality is the children are away from the parent and do not have to be.

We rarely have sympathy for the mom or dad that is stuck in an addiction, or battling depression, or fighting mental illness or even serving a jail sentence.  We look at them from our lofty places as if they are some how beneath us because they are _________________.  We look at them with disgust and wonder why they just don't quit doing drugs (or whatever the issue is) and say if they loved their children they would quit.  But we never see the bondage they are in, instead we get angry.  Reminds me of the ungrateful servant in Matthew 18:21-35

We have been given eternal forgiveness and love, I hope we can extend that to others . . .

Gotta go to Sunday School . . . .


Keep it classy . . .