Sunday, February 26, 2012

Some hard lessons

Having these two children in our home has really taught us some hard lessons.  First of all when it comes to limits, whether it is limits physically or emotionally how do you know what your limit is?  The only way to know if you had enough is to have too much . . . then next time step back one, and that is where we are.  

I used to climb with a guy named Karl and his philosophy was you don't know your limits until you fall, and he was 100% correct.  He used to push me to the limit, climb after climb he pushed me, and I pushed him.  It's a funny thing because there were two limits in climbing, mental and physical.  The mental limit is reached far easier than the physical limit.  I remember climbing on easy terrain that offered zero protection, which meant a fall was fatal, and I heard Karl barking at me to keep my head "it's only 5.6 dude"  I was about 250 off the deck and I knew a fall would not end too well, but I kept my head and made it to the top.  

Well, that is how I (we) feel right now, the body can do it but the mind cannot, we have reached our breaking point and feel defeated, weak and like a failure. But we know that is not true.  Our social worker is so great, I called her today and told her we were in over our heads.  I was concerned she would think we were not fit to foster, but she assured me that was not true!  She really lifted our spirits when she said that we were there when we were needed.  Thanks Joan! Well as it sits the two should be gone tomorrow or Tuesday, rumor has it there is a family member who can take them and that is our hope.

We learned that our children are great!  Connie prayed that the Lord would allow her to appreciate her kids more . . .  without killing them.  I know that sounds crazy, but remember what Job said " the Lord gives and the Lord takes, blessed be the name of the Lord." He also said "Shall we receive good from God and shall we not receive evil"  Well God has answered that prayer. 

 We also had to make some sense out of the feeling that we were placing more importance on our children than the foster children, and we are, that was tough.  But the bottom line is God gave us 5 kids to love and care for and they must come before someone else's kids that God gave  to them!  With that said pray for the parents of our two foster kids, they are the ones who ought to be caring for the children. 

I learned that my failed leadership hurts my family.  I knew I should have said no, but I was more concerned about what my wife would think, than what the Lord would think.  I have struggled with that for years and the struggle seems to be over because my wife is suffering because of my failed leadership.  Through tears I asked God and my wife to forgive me.  I will never let that happen again, it is wrong.  If my decision pleases the Lord then who cares what my wife thinks!

We are thankful to our church family who has responded in a mighty way because they love Jesus.  I am thankful for my Mom and sister who encouraged us with their words.  Would you pray for my sister, please, she needs something big, and nothing is bigger than Jesus.  She has been through surgeries, unemployment, employment woes and she really needs Christ to strengthen her, she is great and we love her!

I sang "Jesus, lover of my soul" to the youngest of the two foster children and I hope he understood it, pray that he did!  

More to come, stay tuned!

8 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:49 PM

    So conflicting. Sorry it's been so hard. Praying.....Barbara

    ReplyDelete

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